I’ve been listening to one of those new Lil’ Wayne songs that leaked from Tha Carter III all night. I think this song is called “Trouble” or something. I’m not sure if the HHNLiveEIC added it to the audio player here yet but if he didn’t, he really needs to. It’s a tight song that has something to do with the troubles in New Orleans, but Wayne tends to incoherently ramble with unnecessary punchlines about nothing so often, I’m not sure if he stays on topic for the duration of the track. But somehow it’s still a good song. Sometimes when I listen to Wayne, I’m not sure if he’s just babbling or if my attention span is shortening. But I think it’s more the former as opposed to the latter.

Anyways, if you add this track to the song Weezy debuted at the BET Hip Hop Awards, the “Duffle Bag Boy” remix, and those songs supposedly for Tha Carter III where Wayne sings like T-Pain, that’s gotta be about 10 new songs from the “best rapper alive” that raps about nothing, just this week. And I’m sure we’ll hear a new verse or two from the dude next week. If the Birdman, Jr. can put out 10 songs a week, I’m sure Dr. Dre can put together an album with at least 14-tracks over the span of 10 years, or however long it’s been since he dropped 2001, and put out Detox. But hell, what do I know?

Wayne’s work ethic and tenacity in the studio got me thinking. How does he do it? Being the investigative journalist that I am, I got to researching. And then it hit me. If you look at pictures and videos with Weezy over the last few months, you’ll notice he usually keeps a white styrofoam cup. And whatever’s in the cup, has to be the secret ingredient that keeps him up while other bum ass rappers are sleeping or fucking groupies. Wayne records so much, he doesn’t even have time to fuck groupies. He’s in the studio recording songs about getting back with Trina and taking Nivea from that new chubby R&B cat that sings that “Shawty Is a Ten” song. All he does is record and perform. The hell with sleep, he just sips from that white cup. The hell with eating, whatever’s in that cup has all the daily nutrients he needs to rap for days.

So the question is, what’s in the cup? On DJ Khaled’s “We Taking Over,” Weezy said, “I like my Sprite Easter pink.” I’m not an expert on sizzurp but from what I’ve been told, that means he likes drinking his Sprite with codeine but I don’t believe that for a second. Codeine makes you sleepy. If you don’t believe me, try taking a bottle of cough syrup to the head and see if you don’t pass the fuck out or have a massive heart attack like Big Moe. So no, I don’t think he’s really drinking easter pink Sprite. I think he just said that in a rhyme to throw everyone off his trail.

No, I think the real secret ingredient in Wayne’s styrofoam white cup is Crunk juice. That’s right, the energy drink spun from Lil Jon is that crack water. Crunk energy drink sponsors the trucks for Ozone Magazine and we get cases and cases of that shit every month, so I know first hand. Drinking one can of Crunk juice will keep you up for 24 hours straight. When deadlines start to approach over at the mag, the whole staff just drinks Crunk to stay up for hours and hours, until we wrap an issue. So if Weezy keeps Crunk juice in that white cup, he has no reason to ever get tired. He can stay up for days off of Crunk and just keep rapping. Of course, he’d probably be mentally exhausted, which would explain those nonsense bars here and there but sometimes quantity is more important than quality.

I don’t think Curtis really wants it with a man that drinks Crunk all day out of a white cup and doesn’t eat, sleep or fuck groupies. Vitamin Water has nothing on Crunk juice. You can drink Vitamin Water all day and you’ll end up getting tired. But not with Crunk juice. You’ll be wired. Of course, Crunk juice won’t help you rap better. So that doesn’t explain Weezy’s progression from “wobblety wobblety, drop drop it like it's hot” to “stop analyzing, criticizing, you should realize what I am and start epitomizing.” But it does explain a Makaveli-esque work ethic, where a new Lil Wayne verse has hit the internet every week for the past year. Dr. Dre, you lazy mutha…

BROUGHT TO YOU BY RANDY EXCLUSIVE WRITERSBLOCKMEDIA.NET